Because I’m scared and I have no drive and I put things off that I should do today. How many times have I told myself “I’ll do it tomorrow” only I never do. I was going to write this post tomorrow, I was going to delay and tell myself, “it’s ok, I can do this tomorrow or later or some other day” but screw procrastination. In fact, I think I just found it here, sitting next to me as I type this post. That’s fine though, because drive I can find. They simply have the drive that I lost somewhere along the way. None of those men had anything that I don’t have, they’re not smarter, or stronger, or healthier, or faster. It is NOT ok to aim low because you’re scared of falling from great heights. It is NOT ok to live a small and sheltered life because you’re too scared of failing.
I convinced myself that it was ok to retreat this way, that I wasn’t really giving up on my goals, I was simply finding new ones to chase. That I would live a small and happy life, helping others find the goals of their own lives. I told myself that it was ok, that I could still be happy with other things. Only at some point along the way, I failed and gave up on my dream. I dreamed of running my own company, of being the CEO and running the show.
We go back to our families and our friends and compromise our lives down to dreary little things that we can shelter in, never venturing out again. We invent stories like “well, I didn’t really care if I won or lost” just so we can pretend that losing isn’t all that bad. When we fail, we tuck our tails between our legs and run back to safety. No matter what happened, they picked themselves up and rededicated themselves to their goals. One of the men was divorced, another had a failed start up a few years back, but they never gave up. And yes, sometimes they failed, sometimes they tried and no matter what, they could not succeed. Now you may not want to be a silicon valley executive, and that’s fine and dandy, but you still want to be something, don’t you? You still want to accomplish your goals, don’t you? What is it that you dreamed about when you were a child? What was it that you saw in your dreams when you lay down to sleep? Those are the goals you had, the things that drove you forward, the things you wanted to devote yourself to 110%, as these men did to their dreams. They held nothing back and never shied from the task in front of them. In all cases, no matter what they did, from parenting and surfing to running companies and marathons, these men threw themselves into the task with 110% of their strength. Some ran marathons, some did iron mans but all of them shared a common trait. They weren’t just great executives, they were also wonderful parents who cared deeply about their children and devoted hobbyists of various sorts. These men excelled at everything they put their minds to. I was sitting at one of the best steakhouses in the country with people who run multi billion (that’s with a B) organizations and I was thinking to myself, “what have I accomplished?” I looked around me and I saw men who are leaders, men who were not given what they have but won it through hard work, intelligence and a relentless drive to succeed. Tonight I had dinner with several executives from the Silicon Valley tech industry, a CEO from Singapore and a VC or two. I almost managed to convince myself of that, until tonight. Here I am telling myself that I know it all and I’ve done it all, that my life is perfect and that I have what I want. I’ve lied to you which is bad enough, but worst than that, I’ve lied to myself.
A come to jesus moment is that moment when an individual is compelled by the weight of evidence and looming penalty to admit wrong doing.
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